"We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike." ~Maya Angelou

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Why I hate Zombies

I am going on record as someone who hates Zombies; here is why.
1.  Zombies are a gross kind of pretend.
2.  Thinking it is okay to walk around in large groups, made up to look like you are covered in
     blood, gore and other people's brains seems enormously stupid to me.
3.  People in my children's generation seem to think Zombies are way cool. (I know I raised them better
     than that. I worked hard at teaching them that Zombies are stupid and gross. Apparently it didn't take.)
4.  The children of these Zombie lovers are taken to their Zombie crawls and will therefore grow up
     to think Zombies are okay and fun. (horrors of horrors; another generation down the drain).
5.  How can someone looking like they are one of the 'undead' and walking around looking for
     people with juicy brains, be an adult? To me, that is Jr. High stuff, pure and simple. My kids say
     that no, Zombies are not Jr. High, Vampires are Jr. High.
6. My kids and their friends think I am old and weird because I think Zombies are dumb. (I think they
     are young and weird for thinking Zombies are fun.) I think John Denver (the farthest thing from a Zombie) was fun.
7.  Zombie lover types probably think John Denver was a drunk who whined in his songs. I loved
     John Denver's music and still do. They make fun of him.....to my face.  
8. I am sure John Denver never took part in a Zombie Crawl. God rest his soul.
9.  When did grown-ups begin dressing up in costumes for Halloween? When I was a kid
     adults stayed at home, read books, watched TV and handed out candy. They did not dress up in costumes and they certainly did not crawl the streets looking for brains to eat; even in pretend.
10.  As you can tell, this is a generational gap and I refuse to leap backwards over it and
      say that Zombies are 'ok'.  You don't have to lie to be cool and I am definitely cool....a word
     my friend John Denver loved to use.....along with the phrase 'far out', which I have let go.
11.  My parents probably thought lots of things my generation did were stupid and childish too....
     considering that it was the sixties for most of that time.  Oh well.... what can you say about the sixties?
Moral: If you are going to dress up like a Zombie don't come by my house and expect candy.
     One year someone came by dressed as a dead cheerleader and I read them the entire riot act and
     told them they should be ashamed of themselves. No candy. Yes, I am that person.
Zombies.....please. Give me a break.

1 comment:

Abbey said...

Ummm be careful about attributing things to all of us when it is really just Able as I totally second Audra's remarks on her post... Hope you are feeling calmer now. Hugs!