Saturday, August 6, 2016
Here's something that occurred to me recently:
I rarely laugh anymore. I laugh with my grand-kids sometimes, a little, and now and then I begin to laugh...but end up crying. That is not the kind of laughter I'm talking about. I'm talking about pure infectious joy bubbling out of me as laughter. Honest-to-God happiness.
I got to thinking about it this evening. I think I got out of the habit over the last six years, knowing there were many things happening that were not the least bit funny, things not even meriting a simple smile, let alone laughter. But it started before Danny died, if I'm going to be perfectly honest. I did laugh with and at my students at school a lot because, well, kids are funny as all get-out, there's no denying that. But not here at home.
When I married Danny, he was funny and happy most of the time. I loved that about him. But then the farm crisis of the '80s happened, and 911, the wars in the Middle East, money problems, health problems, deaths.
Things built up and smothered the laughter, for both of us.
I don't know if I can get it back.
I find that I weep more easily than I laugh. Hmmmm....
I don't really know how to fix it.
I guess we'll see.